U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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