Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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