Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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