thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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