Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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