So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
