woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
