the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
