im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
