I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
