I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
