I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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