no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
