she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
All I want is dick and wine.
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