Rock
Scissors
Fuck
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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