Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
