I wish my penis had an off switch
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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