I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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