I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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