hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
