Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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