I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
