Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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