I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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