I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
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im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
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On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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