I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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