the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
