Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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