After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
