I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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