the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
