Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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