A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
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