I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
