sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
