there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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