I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
