Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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