yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
