Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
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i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
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facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.