The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.