toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You smell like stripper and shame
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up