i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.