guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?