You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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