he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
