I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
where am i from again
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
