Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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