Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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