nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
