she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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