omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I can text with my tongue
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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