What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
