one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
