when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
