TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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