There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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