he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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