i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
