I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
