i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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