Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
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I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
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Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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