I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
