do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
