Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
