I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
