My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My bed smells like the plague
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
