Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
This house was built for laser tag.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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