I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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