I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
