Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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