I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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