Umm I'm too high to move.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
