I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
