I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
