Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize