I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
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I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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